A little background...
Overall my life is pretty amazing and blessed. I have incredible friends and family, I'm self-confident in my professional life and am overall happy. The one gaping hole is my romantic life. In every other aspect of life I know what I'm worth and I'm not ashamed to go for it and I believe in surrounding myself with quality people. When it comes to men, quality gets replaced with something else not entirely definable and my motivations are questionable.
I don't know if "sexually enlightened" actually applies but I've never been the type to shy away from sex on the first date and a mutual one-night stand can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered. I truly don't regret my choices up until now at all but they are also very clearly why I am where I am.
Until recently, I was worse than the cliche man. The word commitment made me throw up a little in my mouth and I have literally choked on two separate occasions when the man I'm dating casually references me as his girlfriend. Because of this I dated men who were either very clearly not "the one" or were going to expire by default - I even termed it "expiration dating" - for example I knew one was moving 8 months after we started dating, sign me up, one lived on an island and could only get off to cell phone service by plane or boat, I'm there, anyway you get the picture.
I don't know if it's aging or just my super slow natural progression but I now want a relationship. I want someone who calls me his girlfriend, I'll even get ok with calling him my boyfriend (gulp). I don't want to date for the sake of dating anymore - its exhausting and not that much fun. So now what?
As I mentioned in an earlier post my good friend faced with similar queries embarked on an epic dating road trip and came home with a very positive outlook on her future. I can't say that I'm currently living in such an optimistic state. Also, determined, that we are not totally wrong in feeling like our home base is gravely lacking in capable, competent men.
However, the constant bemoaning of how men here have it too easy and are fairly undateable, felt too easy and too much like shifting the blame. I believe that the only thing I have control over are my own actions and reactions to things so....I've decided on a year of self-imposed celibacy.
This decision was not come to lightly, believe me. I really like sex, really like it. I also think it's what has actually made the dating I've been doing recently even bearable, because at least I get to have sex. While I don't regret this it also affects the way I interact with potential matches. I have never had trouble making friends, meeting new people or finding connections, but I have had trouble romantically. I need something that forces me to shift the way I engage with men I'm attracted to - change the game a bit.
So, celibacy for a year. Oh dear god. This is not celibacy by virtue of becoming a hermit. It will only work if I pair it with also putting myself out there, meeting new people, being open to different "types" and figuring out if they way I've been coming to the table has had an impact on the current emptiness in my life.
This decision will be re-evaluated if I end up in a somewhat serious-leading relationship with someone (I'm not a martyr) but let's say there must be at least 3 sexless dates before even considering re-evaluation.
My bestie has reserved the right for one exemption to be revealed at a later date.
Celibacy for this scenario equals nothing below the belt with another person. That said, you must excuse me know because I have to go visit Good Vibes and stock up....
Overall my life is pretty amazing and blessed. I have incredible friends and family, I'm self-confident in my professional life and am overall happy. The one gaping hole is my romantic life. In every other aspect of life I know what I'm worth and I'm not ashamed to go for it and I believe in surrounding myself with quality people. When it comes to men, quality gets replaced with something else not entirely definable and my motivations are questionable.
I don't know if "sexually enlightened" actually applies but I've never been the type to shy away from sex on the first date and a mutual one-night stand can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered. I truly don't regret my choices up until now at all but they are also very clearly why I am where I am.
Until recently, I was worse than the cliche man. The word commitment made me throw up a little in my mouth and I have literally choked on two separate occasions when the man I'm dating casually references me as his girlfriend. Because of this I dated men who were either very clearly not "the one" or were going to expire by default - I even termed it "expiration dating" - for example I knew one was moving 8 months after we started dating, sign me up, one lived on an island and could only get off to cell phone service by plane or boat, I'm there, anyway you get the picture.
I don't know if it's aging or just my super slow natural progression but I now want a relationship. I want someone who calls me his girlfriend, I'll even get ok with calling him my boyfriend (gulp). I don't want to date for the sake of dating anymore - its exhausting and not that much fun. So now what?
As I mentioned in an earlier post my good friend faced with similar queries embarked on an epic dating road trip and came home with a very positive outlook on her future. I can't say that I'm currently living in such an optimistic state. Also, determined, that we are not totally wrong in feeling like our home base is gravely lacking in capable, competent men.
However, the constant bemoaning of how men here have it too easy and are fairly undateable, felt too easy and too much like shifting the blame. I believe that the only thing I have control over are my own actions and reactions to things so....I've decided on a year of self-imposed celibacy.
This decision was not come to lightly, believe me. I really like sex, really like it. I also think it's what has actually made the dating I've been doing recently even bearable, because at least I get to have sex. While I don't regret this it also affects the way I interact with potential matches. I have never had trouble making friends, meeting new people or finding connections, but I have had trouble romantically. I need something that forces me to shift the way I engage with men I'm attracted to - change the game a bit.
So, celibacy for a year. Oh dear god. This is not celibacy by virtue of becoming a hermit. It will only work if I pair it with also putting myself out there, meeting new people, being open to different "types" and figuring out if they way I've been coming to the table has had an impact on the current emptiness in my life.
This decision will be re-evaluated if I end up in a somewhat serious-leading relationship with someone (I'm not a martyr) but let's say there must be at least 3 sexless dates before even considering re-evaluation.
My bestie has reserved the right for one exemption to be revealed at a later date.
Celibacy for this scenario equals nothing below the belt with another person. That said, you must excuse me know because I have to go visit Good Vibes and stock up....
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