The title may be a bit dramatic but I do feel like I'm mourning something just now. I'm mourning a little bit of delusion that I've been holding onto now for many years. It was a private go-to for when romantic prospects got really dim. That "what if?" or "If only", which were all fine when I was sure that he was still single and most likely pining after me but not knowing how to tell me (see above, delusion).Today when I got online I felt an impulse to do something that I haven't done for quite some time (my friends may not believe me but it's actually true) I online stalked by "locker love" from college. That one guy that I've kept thinking about since then, that I used to constantly "check on" just to see what was going on in his life. This morning however without thinking (he doesn't have Facebook so the standard go to is out) I typed his name and wedding - just a gut feeling. I was right!
Tragedy! I actually feel quite sad about this which is ridiculous because we have not been in contact directly for more than 5 years and it's normal that he would have a life. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Also she has the same last name as me! My Crazy Girl is screaming that the lines of fate got crossed and he married the wrong one!!
Oh well, I am not a masochist (most of the time) and now am having a moment of silence for my unrequited love of this man. I don't want to search and find pictures of him happy with his new wife (of four days! did I mention they got married 4 days ago - I think I'm psychic for depressing things) so I will be letting that go.
Sad day...
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