Florida is the most terrifying state!
There are many reasons for this, in my opinion, completely founded opinion. Now sure there are places that people like, I'm sure Miami is as great as everyone says and the Keys sound like a gorgeous beach getaway without having to pull out your passport (which I actually love doing) and get travel shots. But I haven't been to those places, I've been to Orlando and Fort Lauderdale, and driven through other parts. Now while I didn't have anything horrible happen, the possibilities were there.
It seems like on a weekly basis there are news stories about crazy sh*t happening down there - ignoring completely their overarching political leanings. Let's just go through a few shall we?
Now this, a story on Jezebel this morning entitled "Of Course Florida is Teeming with Herpes-Infected Monkeys" Seriously? Seriously, Florida?
There are many reasons for this, in my opinion, completely founded opinion. Now sure there are places that people like, I'm sure Miami is as great as everyone says and the Keys sound like a gorgeous beach getaway without having to pull out your passport (which I actually love doing) and get travel shots. But I haven't been to those places, I've been to Orlando and Fort Lauderdale, and driven through other parts. Now while I didn't have anything horrible happen, the possibilities were there.
It seems like on a weekly basis there are news stories about crazy sh*t happening down there - ignoring completely their overarching political leanings. Let's just go through a few shall we?
- They are facing a "Burmese Python Invasion" - yes, termed an invasion, there are tens of thousands of these pythons in the wilds of Florida. J.Lo. and Ice Cube only had to battle one in Anaconda and that was tough!
- There is an epidemic of sinkholes. It has even taken a part of the (second) happiest place on earth.
- Alligators! These are the closest living relative to dinosaurs and they often end up in backyard pools. I took a swamp boat tour and couldn't help but think how meaty and delicious I must have looked to them...seriously, I was already cooked in that heat!
- I don't actually feel like I need to add more but I haven't even gotten to the people. Now I know people are crazy everywhere (my hometown definitely not excluded) but BuzzFeed put up a list of 21 Reasons Florida is the Craziest State and some of these are amazing, some are just sad, but still.
I don't trust monkeys, they will rip your face off! On all my travels to monkey ridden countries I generously offer to take the photos of the tourists naive enough to trust their "cute" faces - just so I don't have to get near them and because someone should be ready to run for help when the situation inevitably goes bad.
But now they're monkeys and they're spreading disease - this is too much! Done. Please no one ask me to go to Florida.
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