Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here and a long time since I've felt like I had the space and desire to write a blog post. Frankly, I'm not sure I'm there yet but I figured why not give it a shot.
These days when people ask how I am or how it's going I usually answer with a vague "Oh, you know, life". This is not because I don't want to share or don't believe that someone else would get it because I know that others go through issues like these. It's more because I feel like I'm walking a delicate line of being able to keep functioning and if I unpack that baggage right now the dam might break and I wouldn't be able to keep acting like I was mostly ok.
I am still very lucky - one of those things that keeps me going - and the good people still around me in life are what make me feel like I'll actually come out the other side even if I don't know when. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling sad and feeling like I can't actually take things turning around at face value because for about a year now each upswing has been rather promptly halted and sent crashing back to the ground.
Ok, topic change!
What I actually wanted to post about was another observation about online dating. First, let me say that I was inspired to think about the weirdness of dating again because of a good friend's new blog call Tin Foil Knights - always a fun read. Back to it, there is a newer development that I don't quite understand - not sure that I don't like it but it begs an explanation. I am 31, I'm confident and find myself beautiful, know that as a thick chick I may have a niche audience but frankly it's not a narrow field so please don't read the next as a veiled self consciousness.
Why do more 21 year olds want to talk to me more than men my age or older?? 21 is very young on so many levels. I have a few theories:
These days when people ask how I am or how it's going I usually answer with a vague "Oh, you know, life". This is not because I don't want to share or don't believe that someone else would get it because I know that others go through issues like these. It's more because I feel like I'm walking a delicate line of being able to keep functioning and if I unpack that baggage right now the dam might break and I wouldn't be able to keep acting like I was mostly ok.
I am still very lucky - one of those things that keeps me going - and the good people still around me in life are what make me feel like I'll actually come out the other side even if I don't know when. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling sad and feeling like I can't actually take things turning around at face value because for about a year now each upswing has been rather promptly halted and sent crashing back to the ground.
Ok, topic change!
What I actually wanted to post about was another observation about online dating. First, let me say that I was inspired to think about the weirdness of dating again because of a good friend's new blog call Tin Foil Knights - always a fun read. Back to it, there is a newer development that I don't quite understand - not sure that I don't like it but it begs an explanation. I am 31, I'm confident and find myself beautiful, know that as a thick chick I may have a niche audience but frankly it's not a narrow field so please don't read the next as a veiled self consciousness.
Why do more 21 year olds want to talk to me more than men my age or older?? 21 is very young on so many levels. I have a few theories:
- There is something inherently wrong with men in my generation - ok, ok, this isn't a new theory but it has yet to be debunked
- These 21 year old youngins grew up with the concept of cougars as commonplace and have somehow translated that to think it's normal
- 21 years olds these days are just overall smarter and clearly like a better caliber of women (remember how I said I don't lack self confidence)
None of the above stops my gut reaction to a 21 year old asking if I want to hang out from being "No, I'm sorry I can't babysit that night". There has been so much change between 21 year old me and 31 year old me not to mention my taste in men - while not amazing now it has definitely improved!
In case you were wondering about what my niche is, and it changes periodically, currently it appears to be a relatively balanced mix of older men with children (who on the whole seem nice if not a little beat down by life), polyamorous men (so many polyamorous men), and children (aka 21 year olds).
Dear cupid, please help.
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