Truth..

I'm not even sure how I stumbled on this gem of a tumblr but My Friends Are Married is a great little break in my day sometimes.

This one was particularly poignant, draw your own conlclusions

"WHEN I REALIZE THAT ALL THE GUYS AT MY FAVORITE BARS ARE 22 YEARS OLD"

30 is Hard

Coming up with 30 projects is harder than I thought it would be.  Also I can't take forever making the list, I'll run out of time to complete the projects.  I came up with a few more through the power of suggestion. Always open to input...

1. Bedroom Makeover: At this point my bedroom still looks like a slightly grown up college dorm room, even though it is attached to a house I own!
2. Color in the Kitchen: The kitchen is full of beige, I am not a beige person! Or if I have become one I no longer want to be one!
3. Build 4 x 4 workbench:  As seen at an artist studio at American Steel Studios
4. Build nightstands
5. Run a race
6. Front yard makeover: Want to replace lawn with native plants and drought resistant plants, tired of seeing brown grass.
7. Back yard makeover: Add fruit trees, cut out some lawn for "crops", create succulent planter
8. Complete one new woodblock
9. Take an art class
10. Make a "pouf": Here's one project but maybe search because I know there were a couple that did it on the cheap using IKEA rugs I think...
11. Sew a complete item of clothing (more complicated than a skirt though) using a pattern
12. Design and get a tattoo: TGT tattoo or other
13. Make Christmas presents for my neighbors: Starting pinning mason jar gifts.  Just a nice thought and I like the idea of remaining close with the neighborhood.
14. Build and paint a bean bag toss game: A family friend requested this game and while I'm not totally convinced that my construction skills are up to it I found a youtube telling me how and pinned it. I'm going to take some time this weekend to go and get the supplies and give it a go. Note: As I'm writing this I realize I'm referencing a lot of pins so I created a Pinterest board for this blog in case anyone wants to see them all in one place.
15. Sew baby blanket:  My good friend just had a baby and I want to send her a homemade baby blanket and one of my onesies from my etsy shop RadBaby.
16. Add a new item for sale to RadBaby: Speaking of, this shop needs some new energy in it and I think a new product.  I'm working right now to keep it active and may do a sale to clear out some stock and then work to figure out another item to put up for sale.  I've gotten the suggestion of button earrings which could be cute especially using scrap fabric from our aprons.
17. Complete a Coursera course:  I have signed up for Dino 101 and Intro to Computational Design (starting today!).  However my real project is to actually complete a course.  I took two others previously that I really enjoyed but I let life get in the way and didn't complete them.  
18. ...

Ok only 12 more projects to come up with!  I can do it!

P.S.

I feel almost like writing a missed connection for the first guy I talked to that night. Who knows, we may meet again...

Put to the test

Sometimes I feel like the fates, or the powers that be, or whoever, is definitely flipped to my channel and watching.  That happened again this weekend.

Only one week following the launch of the Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013 aka going celibate my will and determination was put to the test.  Seriously, how did it happen that quick.  Spoiler:  I feel validated.

Decided to channel my younger self and went out with a lovely group of ladies, less familiar with my hometown than I, and do a bit of bar hopping.  We ended up at two fairly contrasting locales, one full of the hipster, dirty, grungy crowd and one full of classy, swanky clientele.  It was at the latter that I was doubly tested.

First by a very nice gentleman who initiated the conversation and we had witty, if I do say so myself, banter back and forth for a while.  Attraction was not immediate or overwhelming for me but growing as the awesome personality clearly came out to play.  The second was a lumbering fellow, I would guess about 6'3" or 6'4", where the attraction was much more palpable though not necessarily due to personalities clicking.

It is with the second that I spent the rest of the evening, though later I feel like a may have made the wrong choice.  We danced.  I mean like middle school danced.  Like not in a circle but actually two people touching each other dancing.  Which was nice at first - happy to say I'm slightly better at it than I was  in middle school or high school even - but then became a little much.  There was an excellent dance party surrounding us and every time I tried to break free and join the fun I was willfully pulled back.

Not wanting to break the moment too much, and attempting to remain open to experiences I gave in and danced some more.  There was minimal kissing. In public. Yup. Then the conversation took the turn that it inevitably does in these situations as the last call announcement is made, "don't you want to take me home?" "we can just cuddle" "I'll even sleep on the couch".  What girl doesn't like knowing the guy wants to work that hard to get you in bed.  But, at the risk of sounding like a lady of loose morals, for the first time in a loooonnnnnnnng time, I said no! And stuck with it.

He maintained a good face and we exchanged numbers at his request.  He made one more attempt after we parted ways, offering to take a cab to me.  Still resisted.  With assurances that we would talk tomorrow.

Here comes the validation.

I heard nothing the next day, nothing the day after that, and today still nothing.  One could argue it's because I didn't take him home to "cuddle" but I realized that I don't want a man who won't contact me because I don't take him home from a bar.  I may be late to the game on this realization but thank you fates for testing my decision early on and proving me right - for now!

Duck face

Sometimes duck face happens.  It can't be helped, you're innocently taking a selfie and unconciously you feel your lips pursing.  Then when you go back through and get ready to delete all that do not meet your standards, lo and behold, the duck face!  Not only is there duck face but it also is the best one.

Just give in and post it.  There is a reason that there is an epidemic of duck face, it makes your face look great!

Anyway took this selfie because I love these earrings and my general look that day.  I believe on the days that you feel cute enough to document yourself it should be done.  Assuming your ego is not insane and that isn't everyday.

Please excuse the thumb.

More projects added....

Can't just update the date turns out...so I will repost the full list when I add new projects.

Also these are not in any order, except as they come to mind.  Realizing I may need to get started.

1. Bedroom Makeover - at this point my bedroom still looks like a slightly grown up college dorm room, even though it is attached to a house I own!
2. Color in the Kitchen - the kitchen is full of beige, I am not a beige person! Or if I have become one I no longer want to be one!
3. Build 4 x 4 workbench - as seen at an artist studio at American Steel Studios
4. Build nightstands
5. Run a race
6. Front yard makeover - want to replace lawn with native plants and drought resistant plants, tired of seeing brown grass.
7. Back yard makeover - add fruit trees, cut out some lawn for "crops", create succulent planter
8. Complete one new woodblock
9. Take an art class
10. Make a "pouf" - here's one project but maybe search because I know there were a couple that did it on the cheap using IKEA rugs I think...
11. Sew a complete item of clothing (more complicated than a skirt though) using a pattern
12. Design and get a tattoo - TGT tattoo or other
13. Make Christmas presents for my neighbors - starting pinning mason jar gifts.  Just a nice thought and I like the idea of remaining close with the neighborhood.

RVT 2013 - Update

This actually doesn't deserve an update or even a post.

Since making this, in my opinion, rather heavy decision of active celibacy I have been sick.  Not sniffles and uncomfortable sick.  Laid out for 3 days, coughing so hard I pull muscles and wake myself up, and 10 days later still not totally well sick!

It was awful.  First I'm horrible at being sick.  When I feel like I should stay in bed all day I convince myself I'm being overdramatic and that I should really just suck it up and get on with life.  Then when, in fact, I should have just stayed in bed, didn't, and then feel extra crappy I get annoyed.  I'm just cranky when I'm sick.

Anyway, I have decided rather than assuming that this was the world telling me that closing for business is a horrible idea and keeping me sick until I retract, that it actually is the universe agreeing with me and purging the last year-ish of ick and helping me to start this year and decade fresh.  Yeah we'll go with that.

No, it did not cross my mind that this illness was just that and not the universe trying to give me a deep and poignant message, why do you ask?

The Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013

A little background...

Overall my life is pretty amazing and blessed.  I have incredible friends and family, I'm self-confident in my professional life and am overall happy.  The one gaping hole is my romantic life.  In every other aspect of life I know what I'm worth and I'm not ashamed to go for it and I believe in surrounding myself with quality people.  When it comes to men, quality gets replaced with something else not entirely definable and my motivations are questionable.

I don't know if "sexually enlightened" actually applies but I've never been the type to shy away from sex on the first date and a mutual one-night stand can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered.  I truly don't regret my choices up until now at all but they are also very clearly why I am where I am.

Until recently, I was worse than the cliche man.  The word commitment made me throw up a little in my mouth and I have literally choked on two separate occasions when the man I'm dating casually references me as his girlfriend. Because of this I dated men who were either very clearly not "the one" or were going to expire by default - I even termed it "expiration dating" - for example I knew one was moving 8 months after we started dating, sign me up, one lived on an island and could only get off to cell phone service by plane or boat, I'm there, anyway you get the picture.

I don't know if it's aging or just my super slow natural progression but I now want a relationship.  I want someone who calls me his girlfriend, I'll even get ok with calling him my boyfriend (gulp).  I don't want to date for the sake of dating anymore - its exhausting and not that much fun.  So now what?

As I mentioned in an earlier post my good friend faced with similar queries embarked on an epic dating road trip and came home with a very positive outlook on her future.  I can't say that I'm currently living in such an optimistic state. Also, determined, that we are not totally wrong in feeling like our home base is gravely lacking in capable, competent men.

However, the constant bemoaning of how men here have it too easy and are fairly undateable, felt too easy and too much like shifting the blame.  I believe that the only thing I have control over are my own actions and reactions to things so....I've decided on a year of self-imposed celibacy.

This decision was not come to lightly, believe me.  I really like sex, really like it.  I also think it's what has actually made the dating I've been doing recently even bearable, because at least I get to have sex. While I don't regret this it also affects the way I interact with potential matches.  I have never had trouble making friends, meeting new people or finding connections, but I have had trouble romantically. I need something that forces me to shift the way I engage with men I'm attracted to - change the game a bit.

So, celibacy for a year. Oh dear god. This is not celibacy by virtue of becoming a hermit.  It will only work if I pair it with also putting myself out there, meeting new people, being open to different "types" and figuring out if they way I've been coming to the table has had an impact on the current emptiness in my life.

This decision will be re-evaluated if I end up in a somewhat serious-leading relationship with someone (I'm not a martyr) but let's say there must be at least 3 sexless dates before even considering re-evaluation.

My bestie has reserved the right for one exemption to be revealed at a later date.

Celibacy for this scenario equals nothing below the belt with another person. That said, you must excuse me know because I have to go visit Good Vibes and stock up....

30 Projects For My 30th Year

Below are 30 projects that I would like to complete by July 13, 2014 - the date that yours truly will turn 31!

This is an evolving list obviously, so each time I update it the date will update and it will jump to the top of the blog.

1. Bedroom Makeover - at this point my bedroom still looks like a slightly grown up college dorm room, even though it is attached to a house I own!
2. Color in the Kitchen - the kitchen is full of beige, I am not a beige person! Or if I have become one I no longer want to be one!
3. Build 4 x 4 workbench - as seen at an artist studio at American Steel Studios
4. Build nightstands
5. Run a race
6. Front yard makeover - want to replace lawn with native plants and drought resistant plants, tired of seeing brown grass.
7. Back yard makeover - add fruit trees, cut out some lawn for "crops", create succulent planter
8. Complete one new woodblock
9. Take an art class
10. Make a "pouf" - here's one project but maybe search because I know there were a couple that did it on the cheap using IKEA rugs I think...

Contemplating 30

I am just 1 month and 2 days into my 30s and I am trying to figure out what this year will be.  Like, I assume, many of the newly 30, I feel like this first year in this new decade should have some monumental changes whether internal or external.  Should mean something.

If nothing else we can hold onto the fact that it can't possibly be worse than our 20s - can it?  Do you remember early 20s?  They were the worst!  21 was the last good year, 22 - 26 were filled with angst, feeling young but not being young, dreams withering away, and feelings of inadequacy, while every "adult" asked you what you were going to do now?  27 - 29 were fleetingly good as you felt a sense of relief that you'd made it through the hell that was the "early 20s" and then life starts to slowly chip away at the self-esteem you've struggled to build til then.  Slowly, friends start disappearing into married life, some of them even dare to have children.  Even those things that feel "adult" and should allow me to check something off the list (like purchasing a home) remain in that surreal zone even now.

So I have been 30 for 1 month and have decided that it is time for me to take more ownership over the things I'm not in love with in my life and why not start by forcing said changes with wonderful, bloggable, projects all within the next year!

The first is 30 Projects For My 30th Year: I'm going to compile a list of 30 projects, of varying complexity, and try to complete them all, obviously with the goal of blogging about each project as I go.  Stay tuned for the list.

The second my bestie as so appropriately titled "The Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013", this clearly needs more explanation and it will come shortly in a following post.  No I'm not being born again or anything super creepy like that but...

Ok, the projects are noted in the blogosphere - now they have to happen!