Train Update

I feel like we're at a junction (get it, eh?) and I know which track I hope things take but I'm not sure which way the conductor will take it.

Side note this whole endeavor is great if only for the train puns!

Conductor and I had date 2 and I would still count it as a success. These days I'm taking every success as it's own victory and no longer applying it to the bigger picture - everything feels a bit better when there are several little wins in opposition to a large, drawn-out loss or draw. So date 2 is another win.

This was more of a hang-out than a traditional date. Conductor grabbed some pizza and beer and came to my place to watch a movie. I took advantage of this scenario to finally get to watch The Shining.  I know it's rather offensive to some that I have not seen this movie prior to now but I can't watch scary movies alone (I get really scared!) and I have no friends who will watch scary movies with me so I have to take advantage of it when I can!

There was mild cuddling, which was nice and a full movie watch, and several promising signs for future possibilities.  We seemed comfortable with each other, attraction levels still high and those acted upon were quite fun.

As I said, I think that this could be something, possibly, maybe but it kind of depends on where we both choose to go from here. I am heading back east for my college reunion tomorrow (can't wait!) and will be gone for nearly a full week so I'm hoping it doesn't fizzle in that time - knowing that if it does it isn't meant to be and all that jazz but still.

More to come on the reunion and I will definitely keep you posted on whether or not Conductor and I stay on the right track (couldn't resist)!

All Aboard!

I went on a very pleasant, and dare I say it, successful first date last night, with a train conductor! (Who will clearly from this point forward be called the Train Conductor)

Train Conductor and I connected on Tinder - gasp! - and we went on an actual date, not a tawdry lust-filled emotionless hook-up.  Confusing right?

This one went the way I kind of feel like online dating is supposed to go, at least in my more practiced than I'd like to be opinion. We chatted for several days on Tinder, getting some of the more high-level pertinent details. It went long enough to test if either of us was interested enough to keep it going and it reached flirting levels that showed promise.

The date ask came from him (you'll note from my past posts this is kind of a rule I have) and was then quickly and easily decided.  Why is this so rare?  We went for sushi (his choice) and had a great time.  I kept it mostly wholesome in the end but left excited to see him again - again a rare feeling.

There are obviously lots of things to learn about each other and details to shake out but this thick chick is trying to temper her potential excitement about meeting someone who doesn't suck.

That fine line

There is a fine line in online dating messaging where you are nice and enthusiastic about a date prospect and you come off as a weird clinger.

It's a bit fuzzy but the line is definitely there.  Anyone who participates in the ever-evolving mating dance that is online dating knows that there is an art to message writing. Some learned Do's and Don'ts:

• Do have a day or two of light messaging with the high level questions 
• Don't ask me to go camping with you immediately following my response of "Hi"
• Do ask about where I live or about something that you read in my profile.
• Don't ask things that require me to write a novel in response 
• Do understand that everyone has a lot of things going on in their lives that are outside of OkCupid - frankly I hope that you are someone who isn't able to check their profile and messages all the time, I won't be.
• Don't get angry or throw a fit if it takes me a bit of time to get back to you.  This does not bode well for our future interactions and I don't actually owe you anything after some messages online.
• Do check your grammar - I know I said this before but dear god please!
• If you want to, do actually ask me out.  Don't just reference the time that we're going to see each other.  Just ask, it's not like it's even a face to face interaction.

Like I said, a fine line, but a line that can tell you a lot about the people you are "talking" to.

Grammar Matters!

"Let's eat Grandma!"
"Let's eat, Grandma!"
Commas save lives!!


As someone who dressed up as the grammar police for Halloween last year you can see why I might think this.  I work in communications professionally, and participate in online dating personally, I cannot stress enough the importance of grammar.  On OkCupid, I sometimes fight the urge to discriminate against someone who can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're" (can't tell the difference or can't be bothered to care) but then realize that while it may be over-educated snobbery it is something that I want.  Not to say that someone needs to have perfect grammar or spelling all the time but I need someone who cares enough to double check themselves and fix it. So, while I now accept that I am okay with not liking someone based on the grammar in their self-summary I have restrained myself from correcting their messages to me (which I count as a success).

On a professional level I'm much less forgiving.  Every program you use has a spell check tool, most have automatic flags for when something is potentially incorrect. It actually takes work to not correct your own writing! Why?!?

I do love scanning the Daily Infographics every once in while and this is one that covers all these rules so nicely (if you can't tell I feel like "silly" is a nice word for what these grammar goofs make you look like):

Dear Cupid, please help.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here and a long time since I've felt like I had the space and desire to write a blog post. Frankly, I'm not sure I'm there yet but I figured why not give it a shot.

These days when people ask how I am or how it's going I usually answer with a vague "Oh, you know, life". This is not because I don't want to share or don't believe that someone else would get it because I know that others go through issues like these. It's more because I feel like I'm walking a delicate line of being able to keep functioning and if I unpack that baggage right now the dam might break and I wouldn't be able to keep acting like I was mostly ok.

I am still very lucky - one of those things that keeps me going - and the good people still around me in life are what make me feel like I'll actually come out the other side even if I don't know when. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling sad and feeling like I can't actually take things turning around at face value because for about a year now each upswing has been rather promptly halted and sent crashing back to the ground.

Ok, topic change!

What I actually wanted to post about was another observation about online dating. First, let me say that I was inspired to think about the weirdness of dating again because of a good friend's new blog call Tin Foil Knights - always a fun read.  Back to it, there is a newer development that I don't quite understand - not sure that I don't like it but it begs an explanation. I am 31, I'm confident and find myself beautiful, know that as a thick chick I may have a niche audience but frankly it's not a narrow field so please don't read the next as a veiled self consciousness.

Why do more 21 year olds want to talk to me more than men my age or older?? 21 is very young on so many levels. I have a few theories:

1. There is something inherently wrong with men in my generation - ok, ok, this isn't a new theory but it has yet to be debunked
2. These 21 year old youngins grew up with the concept of cougars as commonplace and have somehow translated that to think it's normal
3. 21 years olds these days are just overall smarter and clearly like a better caliber of women (remember how I said I don't lack self confidence)

None of the above stops my gut reaction to a 21 year old asking if I want to hang out from being "No, I'm sorry I can't babysit that night".  There has been so much change between 21 year old me and 31 year old me not to mention my taste in men - while not amazing now it has definitely improved!

In case you were wondering about what my niche is, and it changes periodically, currently it appears to be a relatively balanced mix of older men with children (who on the whole seem nice if not a little beat down by life), polyamorous men (so many polyamorous men), and children (aka 21 year olds).

Dear cupid, please help.

So true...

Frankfurts are good

Using a grill makes them great

Coppa salami and anything cured

Kick ass no matter what.

Cheeses are heavenly

Only requirement is quantity

Dill or kosher pickles, whatever so long as it’s Klausin

Yup it keeps us flossin.

I am trying, really I am...

The Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013 is technically over and yet not over in the true sense. Oy, it's some slim pickings these days for this curly, curvy and sassy gal. As I was relaying some of my latest OkCupid experiences to a friend she asked if I am blogging about these dates. I haven't been because my goal is really truly to find someone that I connect with and not to gather blog worthy stories. However, sometimes you just have to share.

My goal is not to shame or embarrass anyone so no real names (or even screen names) will be used, but the circumstances are real. This most recent experience was not over the top awful but enough little things to make me question whether I'm ever going to find someone I can stand to be around let alone like.

Let me set the scene. The Chef and I had enjoyable banter on OkCupid, then moved to text. In my view this is a promising show of initiative and a step towards meeting in person - my ultimate goal. Here was my first flag, which I ignored. Texting went on for multiple weeks with no suggestion for in person activities or meeting at all.

Now before you yell at me that I could have asked him first and that a woman shouldn't wait for the man to ask her, I have a personal theory on this.  I have no problem asking men to hang out (better at it on online dating than in person but getting there) but after a long time doing the online thing I've learned that, on the whole, that I need a man who as the hutzpah to ask me first and somewhat quickly. Overall, this is an indicator that there is a level of confidence that I find attractive - can go overboard to arrogant but that's what the meeting is for, and, there is a genuine interest in seeing if they like me in person rather than my crafted profile.  In all my experiences where I've ignored this and asked them out because it was taking too long I've been disappointed, almost immediately.  So, in the face of the ongoing texts consisting of not much more than "how are you" and complaints about his job and week, and at the prodding of a friend. I asked him out for a mid morning hike on the coming Saturday with the new puppy.  He quickly responded yes - lulling me into a false sense of hope that it was a fluke that he never actually planned a date.

Thursday we agreed on a time and meet up plan

Friday he called and said that he remembered he was going to an 11am matinee with a bunch of friends, but I could come.  First, what? I'm not going to have a first date with you and a bunch of your friends, too much pressure and too much faking if you're awful.

So we reschedule for a drink on Saturday evening - he's to let me know when he's done with friends so we can plan.

Saturday at 6:00pm I've heard nothing and I've written him off.  At 6:15 he texts remembering that he has to have family dinner, can we meet on Wednesday after work for a drink?  Sure, I say.

As I write this I imagine some are asking why I agreed to the rescheduling.  See the beginning of the post, it is slim pickings, and I am trying to be nice and see if this is just first date stuff and genuine life getting in the way.  I don't want to write people off for superficial reasons (anymore) so I keep trying.

Agree to meet at 6:30pm, at a neighborhood bar, on Wednesday.

Wednesday, 6:40pm - no sign of him but I know that he's coming from work (in a kitchen) and the route back to where we are is notorious for bad traffic.

6:45pm - While waiting I get hit on by an older man with several missing teeth - my hometown always keeps it classy

6:50pm - I'm slowly sipping my beer enjoying a baseball game and watching the local drunks try to "trick" the bouncer into letting them back in.  At least I'm not wanting for entertainment but still no date.

7:00pm - Finally arrives, no apology for being late, and when we hug hello he smells! I mean hold your breath from the B.O. smells. Again trying to be nice I chalk it up to it being hot in a kitchen all day but it was truly oppressive sitting next to him inside. Unfortunately there are no seats outside.

At this point, I put on my nicest face and genuinely try to see if there is a connection in spite of the first impression and lateness. Half an hour in and one beer later, The Chef has told me a lot about his life, complained about his job and asked me 1 question about myself but before I got to answer it he answered it about himself, you know, as an example in case I didn't understand what he was asking.

Sadly, this is how the rest of the date continued.  I do think that I played my role of sounding board for him really well because at the end he was really into having a second date. If he could remember my name and one other fact about me I'd maybe consider it in spite of everything but I doubt he could.

I really hope it was first date nerves and/or a bad day that made it seem as if he had never had a two-way conversation before, for his sake.

Oh well, back to the drawing board/computer screen...

Mea culpa

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa for my absence.

I have just wrapped 3 weeks of travel for work, and while the busy time at work is not quite done I am at least home so feeling a bit more grounded and ready to come back to the blogsophere.

Part of the events I was working on included my giving a short presentation/introducing an activity inspired by Six Words by SMITH Magazine.  This is a project that I learned about several years ago when I heard the founder speak at a professional conference - clearly it stuck with me.

So working on my own...

Craft enthusiast, loyal friend, lifelong learner

Or a dating site headline...

Curly, curvy, sassy. Looking for love.

Happy New Year - OkCupid, Fitbit, and Quiche, Oh My!

Yes, yes I realize that it is already 10 days into the new year and I'm just now posting.  Thank you for pointing that out.  I've been through the ups and downs, excited about the new year, depressed that it feels the same as last year, hopeful for romance and tragically disappointed by the OkCupid prospects popping up on their mobile app.

One of the ups that has stuck for now is the back to WW and eating healthier (i.e. grocery shopping) and documenting all this a bit better here so I feel accountable and appropriately shamed when there are hiccups. I don't believe in shaming other people for hiccups in their resolutions/intentions/goals/whateveryoucallem, but I work well when faced with self-shaming or losing any sort of competition.

The results for this first week (I'm counting this as the first week since I was having an amazing beach vacation for the week over New Years which obviously means nothing counts) include trying out a few new recipes and amping up the Fitbit competition.

Slight tangent on the Fitbit - I like this tracker much better than any others I've had.  I don't think it does anything more, or different, than countless others but it hasn't broken.  I went through several pedometers that either broke with sweat or fell off.  I've had my Fitbit for over 4 years and love it.  For me having the data of how much I've done in a day definitely helps me do just that extra bit more.

Two more people I know got a Fitbit for Christmas and are now in my friends on that app - which really means are two more people in the cut throat, never ending competition for highest steps!  They may not have known they were entering that race, I may never tell them they're in the race, but they are!  Right now I'm second to my friend and co-worker for the week and it's driving me crazy - or I'm already crazy and therefore I care - you pick.

Here is a recipe I tried this week that I was actually really pleasantly surprised by.  Originally intended as a  party food I actually made the whole recipe and have had them throughout the week as a little snack or a couple for breakfast.  Tasty and not horrible for me definitely equals a win in my book.  It was pretty straightforward once you got all the ingredients.  Let me know what you think.

Ingredients

• 4 spray(s) cooking spray   
• 2 small uncooked zucchini, finely chopped   
• 1 large uncooked onion(s), finely chopped   
• 1 cup(s) shredded parmesan cheese, about 3 oz   
• 6 large egg(s)   
• 1/2 cup(s) all purpose flour   
• 1/4 cup(s) basil, fresh, finely chopped   
• 3 Tbsp olive oil, extra virgin   
• 2 tsp baking powder   
• 1 tsp sugar   
• 1 tsp kosher salt   
• 1/2 tsp black pepper   

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat two 24-hole nonstick mini muffin pans with cooking spray (or use just one pan and cook in two batches). 
• Combine all ingredients in a large bowl; spoon about 1 heaping tablespoon egg mixture into each prepared hole, making sure to stir mixture after filling each one. 
• Bake until bottoms are golden brown and quiche are cooked through, about 15 minutes. Remove pan(s) from oven and let quiche cool for a few minutes in pan(s); remove quiche to a wire rack to cool more (and repeat with remaining ingredients if necessary). Yields 1 quiche per serving.

Observations

That sad moment when right after you catch the eye of a cute guy, you catch the glint of his wedding ring. 

OkStupid

I, like so many others, wade through the murky waters of OkCupid.  Generally it's fine, it takes some going over with a fine tooth comb to find people worth meeting, but recently I've become confused.

How can OkCupid think I would have a 92% match rate with a 21 year old??  Seriously?  I realize that I'm still relatively young at 30 but to think that I would have enough in common with a 21 year old at this point without feeling like a babysitter or a premature cougar blows my mind.

I am seriously questioning their algorithm...

Guy Radar (Guydar), You're Killing Me Smalls

Most women I talk to agree that this is a near universal phenomenon.  That guy, or even several, who really should be out of your life but for whatever reason isn't completely has impeccably annoying, awful, tragic, frustrating, (insert adjective of choice here), timing.

Maybe you're working hard to limit your Crazy Girl time and actually move on in your life and feel like you've gone a decent amount of time (this is a relative measurement) not thinking about, wondering about, or mildly obsessing about said guy when BAM! he contacts you.

It's never when you need/want them to contact you it's only when you finally feel like you might be ok if they don't ever contact you again, like you might make it through to the other side and mean it when you say "I'm over it".

Fuck guydar! Ugh deja vu as I'm pretty sure I wrote a very similar post the last time guydar struck...

Yet another reason to keep on keeping on with the RVT 2013 (still in full celibate swing by the way) and work for better.

Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013...Interrupted?

So as discussed part of this self imposed drought in the bedroom I am going through is also to actively attempt to date and put myself out there.  The main goal being a shift in the way that I approach relationships and dating in the past.

With that in mind and without lowering standards too significantly the idea was that if you asked me out I would give it a shot.

At the end of last week just that thing happened.  He only had one picture, but profile appeared literate, apparently sarcastic, and potentially intelligent.  Additionally within  5 pleasant messages he asked me out.  For any online date users this is a plus!  Also helps you avoid the downward spiral of endless messages with no end in sight.

With date set for Saturday I went about my business and come Saturday was feeling tired and anti-social and seriously contemplated bailing.  These are the times when good friends matter, good friends who do not indulge you but rather tell you to snap out of it, put your big girl panties on and go on your date.

First date was all his planning, drinks followed by planned dinner.  The dinner was not mentioned in the original ask so I'm assuming it was to be mentioned if and only if I made it through the primary meeting.  Which frankly I can appreciate, it's important to have an out.  Dinner went long and full of easy conversation that continued until chairs were put on the tables and staff eyed us willing us to leave with their minds.  At the end of the night there was some arm linkage as he walked me back to my car, the appropriate level of attempting to get me back to his apartment, and a wholesome kiss good night with a follow up date request.

Lots of texts in between, at the jokey, flirty level, and date 2 set for Tuesday (yesterday).  This time I planned and picked a delicious Cuban restaurant on my own "turf", if I have a turf, I don't know. This date also went very well.  Conversation was still easy, more comfortable, a little more flirty and got into a bit more real questions about dating history and recent relationships etc... Also followed by a slightly, only slightly, less wholesome kiss goodnight and plans to see each other again.

I'm excited, have twinges of panic (as I do when I potentially like someone - like a freak) and also am yet again amazed by guy radar and the universe's sense of humor (a sense of humor I don't always find funny).  On Tuesday I received two messages from the ex, the one who often turns me into Crazy Girl, and a past crush was actually at the bar we met at before dinner.  Funny, very funny.  I have some theories on what the universe is trying to tell me, two opposite theories in fact.  Just gonna ride it out I think...

Back to RVT2013, while the celibacy is still in play, I definitely I'm not feeling like that is going to last super long and now it's a matter of what qualifies for me to make the call.  When planning this decision it was if there was "something real" happening, whatever that means.

Maybe I just follow the advice of the Millionair Matchmaker "No sex before monogamy". Oy, I'll keep you posted.

The gym flirt

As I continue on the RVT 2013 tour its important for me to remember all the great places for flirting.  I think one of the best places for flirting is the gym.

I've had lots of people look at me like I'm crazy, disagree, and try to argue with me about this but hear me out.

Depending on the gym you go to, there are tons and tons of men everywhere.  I just joined a new one and one of the locations is massive and full of pretty men each time I go - talk about motivation. So the odds are in your favor.

The argument most used is that we look gross at the gym all sweaty and strained.  Yup! And it is exactly because of this that the gym is an excellent place for flirting!  Now this is not because I'm one of those people who can workout in full makeup in cute matching outfits, not at all.

I am a pale Irish lass and after any amount of time working out I turn bright red, and I sweat, to call it rosy or a blush would be a gross understatement.  I'm lucky if my workout clothes are in generally the same color scheme.  Even better!

If with all these factors in play you find someone at the gym who returns a flirtation, or even starts one, take it and run! I can literally only go up from here.  Unless he has some weird sweat fetish, anywhere this flirtation takes us outside of the gym I'm going to look so much better than I did when it started.  It's an amazing way to set low expectations while still showing off that you workout and take care of yourself.  None of that worry of looking too great on a first date and never living up to it in the long term.  You can dress up to your normal and still impress.

Best case scenario!

A moment of silence please

The title may be a bit dramatic but I do feel like I'm mourning something just now.  I'm mourning a little bit of delusion that I've been holding onto now for many years.  It was a private go-to for when romantic prospects got really dim.  That "what if?" or "If only", which were all fine when I was sure that he was still single and most likely pining after me but not knowing how to tell me (see above, delusion).

Today when I got online I felt an impulse to do something that I haven't done for quite some time (my friends may not believe me but it's actually true) I online stalked by "locker love" from college.  That one guy that I've kept thinking about since then, that I used to constantly "check on" just to see what was going on in his life.   This morning however without thinking (he doesn't have Facebook so the standard go to is out) I typed his name and wedding - just a gut feeling.  I was right!

Tragedy!  I actually feel quite sad about this which is ridiculous because we have not been in contact directly for more than 5 years and it's normal that he would have a life.  Doesn't mean I have to like it. Also she has the same last name as me!  My Crazy Girl is screaming that the lines of fate got crossed and he married the wrong one!!

Oh well, I am not a masochist (most of the time) and now am having a moment of silence for my unrequited love of this man.  I don't want to search and find pictures of him happy with his new wife (of four days! did I mention they got married 4 days ago - I think I'm psychic for depressing things) so I will be letting that go.

Sad day...

Truth..

I'm not even sure how I stumbled on this gem of a tumblr but My Friends Are Married is a great little break in my day sometimes.

This one was particularly poignant, draw your own conlclusions

"WHEN I REALIZE THAT ALL THE GUYS AT MY FAVORITE BARS ARE 22 YEARS OLD"

P.S.

I feel almost like writing a missed connection for the first guy I talked to that night. Who knows, we may meet again...

Put to the test

Sometimes I feel like the fates, or the powers that be, or whoever, is definitely flipped to my channel and watching.  That happened again this weekend.

Only one week following the launch of the Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013 aka going celibate my will and determination was put to the test.  Seriously, how did it happen that quick.  Spoiler:  I feel validated.

Decided to channel my younger self and went out with a lovely group of ladies, less familiar with my hometown than I, and do a bit of bar hopping.  We ended up at two fairly contrasting locales, one full of the hipster, dirty, grungy crowd and one full of classy, swanky clientele.  It was at the latter that I was doubly tested.

First by a very nice gentleman who initiated the conversation and we had witty, if I do say so myself, banter back and forth for a while.  Attraction was not immediate or overwhelming for me but growing as the awesome personality clearly came out to play.  The second was a lumbering fellow, I would guess about 6'3" or 6'4", where the attraction was much more palpable though not necessarily due to personalities clicking.

It is with the second that I spent the rest of the evening, though later I feel like a may have made the wrong choice.  We danced.  I mean like middle school danced.  Like not in a circle but actually two people touching each other dancing.  Which was nice at first - happy to say I'm slightly better at it than I was  in middle school or high school even - but then became a little much.  There was an excellent dance party surrounding us and every time I tried to break free and join the fun I was willfully pulled back.

Not wanting to break the moment too much, and attempting to remain open to experiences I gave in and danced some more.  There was minimal kissing. In public. Yup. Then the conversation took the turn that it inevitably does in these situations as the last call announcement is made, "don't you want to take me home?" "we can just cuddle" "I'll even sleep on the couch".  What girl doesn't like knowing the guy wants to work that hard to get you in bed.  But, at the risk of sounding like a lady of loose morals, for the first time in a loooonnnnnnnng time, I said no! And stuck with it.

He maintained a good face and we exchanged numbers at his request.  He made one more attempt after we parted ways, offering to take a cab to me.  Still resisted.  With assurances that we would talk tomorrow.

Here comes the validation.

I heard nothing the next day, nothing the day after that, and today still nothing.  One could argue it's because I didn't take him home to "cuddle" but I realized that I don't want a man who won't contact me because I don't take him home from a bar.  I may be late to the game on this realization but thank you fates for testing my decision early on and proving me right - for now!

RVT 2013 - Update

This actually doesn't deserve an update or even a post.

Since making this, in my opinion, rather heavy decision of active celibacy I have been sick.  Not sniffles and uncomfortable sick.  Laid out for 3 days, coughing so hard I pull muscles and wake myself up, and 10 days later still not totally well sick!

It was awful.  First I'm horrible at being sick.  When I feel like I should stay in bed all day I convince myself I'm being overdramatic and that I should really just suck it up and get on with life.  Then when, in fact, I should have just stayed in bed, didn't, and then feel extra crappy I get annoyed.  I'm just cranky when I'm sick.

Anyway, I have decided rather than assuming that this was the world telling me that closing for business is a horrible idea and keeping me sick until I retract, that it actually is the universe agreeing with me and purging the last year-ish of ick and helping me to start this year and decade fresh.  Yeah we'll go with that.

No, it did not cross my mind that this illness was just that and not the universe trying to give me a deep and poignant message, why do you ask?

The Reasoning Virgin Tour 2013

A little background...

Overall my life is pretty amazing and blessed.  I have incredible friends and family, I'm self-confident in my professional life and am overall happy.  The one gaping hole is my romantic life.  In every other aspect of life I know what I'm worth and I'm not ashamed to go for it and I believe in surrounding myself with quality people.  When it comes to men, quality gets replaced with something else not entirely definable and my motivations are questionable.

I don't know if "sexually enlightened" actually applies but I've never been the type to shy away from sex on the first date and a mutual one-night stand can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered.  I truly don't regret my choices up until now at all but they are also very clearly why I am where I am.

Until recently, I was worse than the cliche man.  The word commitment made me throw up a little in my mouth and I have literally choked on two separate occasions when the man I'm dating casually references me as his girlfriend. Because of this I dated men who were either very clearly not "the one" or were going to expire by default - I even termed it "expiration dating" - for example I knew one was moving 8 months after we started dating, sign me up, one lived on an island and could only get off to cell phone service by plane or boat, I'm there, anyway you get the picture.

I don't know if it's aging or just my super slow natural progression but I now want a relationship.  I want someone who calls me his girlfriend, I'll even get ok with calling him my boyfriend (gulp).  I don't want to date for the sake of dating anymore - its exhausting and not that much fun.  So now what?

As I mentioned in an earlier post my good friend faced with similar queries embarked on an epic dating road trip and came home with a very positive outlook on her future.  I can't say that I'm currently living in such an optimistic state. Also, determined, that we are not totally wrong in feeling like our home base is gravely lacking in capable, competent men.

However, the constant bemoaning of how men here have it too easy and are fairly undateable, felt too easy and too much like shifting the blame.  I believe that the only thing I have control over are my own actions and reactions to things so....I've decided on a year of self-imposed celibacy.

This decision was not come to lightly, believe me.  I really like sex, really like it.  I also think it's what has actually made the dating I've been doing recently even bearable, because at least I get to have sex. While I don't regret this it also affects the way I interact with potential matches.  I have never had trouble making friends, meeting new people or finding connections, but I have had trouble romantically. I need something that forces me to shift the way I engage with men I'm attracted to - change the game a bit.

So, celibacy for a year. Oh dear god. This is not celibacy by virtue of becoming a hermit.  It will only work if I pair it with also putting myself out there, meeting new people, being open to different "types" and figuring out if they way I've been coming to the table has had an impact on the current emptiness in my life.

This decision will be re-evaluated if I end up in a somewhat serious-leading relationship with someone (I'm not a martyr) but let's say there must be at least 3 sexless dates before even considering re-evaluation.

My bestie has reserved the right for one exemption to be revealed at a later date.

Celibacy for this scenario equals nothing below the belt with another person. That said, you must excuse me know because I have to go visit Good Vibes and stock up....