Carpool Observations

Today was a pickup that could have gone either way - I finally got over 8 hours of sleep so I feel like a functional human being - but the driver was chatty and you never know.

Instead it turned into a conversation that helped me remember just part of why I love my city and my neighborhood.  Local eats, block parties and mostly, neighbors who care.

Thank you

Worry worry worry

Do you ever go through those phases in your life where you just worry?

I don't know if it's because I'm aging or because I live alone or just because I'm paying attention but for the past few months and definitely in the last month I've been having pretty generalized anxiety.  Most of the time I worry about crime, which is not totally unjustified, as it is on the rise but I worry about it constantly and then when I don't worry about it I worry that I haven't worried about it, then I worry about my worrying.

I've been trying to pay attention to when it's happening.  It happens in those slow moments, the quiet moments when I'm not thinking about other things.  I keep doing everything I would normally but there are periods of the day when I have elevated heart rate, which I know is not great for me, and I worry.  A lot of the time I can talk myself down.  If I get burglarized  its just stuff and it's insured, and I agree with me but then I worry about my parents, who are also smart and take care of themselves - it's just a cycle.  I've also found that its more prevalent if something new or stressful is coming in my life.  For example, it has flared up a bit since my sister has returned and is planning to move in, which I think will be a good thing.

What I don't like is that this is apparently how my body/mind is now dealing with stress - to send me into panic mode - can't keep going this way.  So obviously I did some internet research, almost never a good idea when considering medical/health issues but still I did.  Closest thing I could find, if I qualify, would be generalized anxiety disorder, which is basically what I described.  I just can't let this take over my life.  I'm not sure what's changed to create this but it is definitely different and I may need help with it.

First I'm going to spend some time working on it, on myself.  I love my town, even though it definitely has some serious problems, and I need to find ways to remember that by spending time doing things again.  I listen to everyone and they don't seem to have changed their behavior or how they act and I know I've done what I can to be proactive, but still I worry.

So I'm going to look at meditation, journaling when these moments happen and if there is a trigger and also hope that with some of the "stressful" situations done, i.e. the wedding, and living with the sis, I can get back to feeling like myself.  I also need more sleep - may be time to impose an early bed time for myself...

Just wanted to share, this a new struggle for me and frankly unfamiliar ground because for my life up until now, as I remember it, I have been blessed to be fairly care free and happy, a place I want to get back to.  I will keep you updated and I am open to professional help if it gets there.

Boys II Men to....Old Navy?

This made me truly sad, then happy that they were making money, then sad all over again.  Boys II Men 2 was my first CD I ever bought and a large part of my junior high days - love them.  Then last night while watching my hulu queue this happened...


sigh...

I hate Peter Pan

No not the Disney movie of my youth but the syndrome that seems to be plaguing the young men of the Bay Area (and I assume other places but I'll stick to what I know), Peter Pan Syndrome.  Peter Pan's are everywhere! I don't feel awful saying that I don't want to date a man-child anymore.  This syndrome is particularly detrimental to those women who may end up dating a Peter Pan.  The effect is a person who is generally content, with a lot of varying interests and personality but unfortunately not a lot of follow-through, commitment or future potential.

The symptoms:

• Either "funemployed" or have a job that has little to no opportunity for growth.  A Peter Pan will actually use the term funemployed and mean it, this is what can be so attractive at first, this person with seemingly no prospects is so happy.  If your Peter Pan is employed you can bet that it is at a job that you might expect a driven high school student to have.  A Peter Pan who is with one of my besties, who I really like but feel, like my friend, that it may be time to leave never never land, delivers tofu.  This is on the heels of briefly working in a doggie day care, which followed a stint at a local pot dispensary. All of which would be fine, in my opinion, if you were in school pursuing your true dream, or you had a creative passion and needed to work just enough to live so that you could spend your time doing that other thing.  Not the case, and also no longer functional when you reach a point in a relationship when it's time to consider the future and what a family might look like - I mean, at least they could eat a lot of tofu....?
• Lots of hobbies but no passion.  Something that is great in an actual child because they are exploring and figuring out what they care about becomes a bit scary in an "adult" man.  They generally really like a lot of things and do a lot of them but none to a degree that can sustain a person creatively or financially.
• When the going gets tough, the Peter Pan cracks.  Now this may just be a factor of being male but in my observation a Peter Pan is absolutely floored by the slightest physical ailment or illness, complete with moaning and groaning.  Not to go on a tangent of which gender is stronger, but I do not know one woman (with the exception of maybe myself) who make such a production of being sick.  A production which cannot help but leave Peter Pan's partner wondering what would happen if in a future where the two have children will  you pull this same crap leaving me to take care of both you and them?
• Roommates!  A Peter Pan will almost inevitably have his lost boys.  I am not knocking the very economical choice to have a roommate in these tough economic times however when a Peter Pan has 3 to 4 and calls a closet or a living room his "room", call it a warning flag.

So what if you end up dating a Peter Pan?  It could be a great thing for a bit.  You'll be with someone who is able to find the fun in each activity you do, who will without question have time for you with no work commitments ruining your date night plans, and you'll probabaly experience new things as he shares each new hobby or interest with you as it arises.  It is important to remember, that while there is a chance - think Hook - that your Peter Pan will want to leave never never land with you and start a family, it's not a given, and if he does he may need quite a bit of pushing to be in a place that can support a life long relationship.

Just saying

The man who drove my carpool this morning reminded me of this guy....just saying




In countdown notes, I was doing really well this week and even survived training session from hell on Wednesday but yesterday woke up with a cold that feels like my head is in a vice.  Still doing ok on food but cardio is definitely slowing down.  Think I will try to walk this afternoon instead of run...still do something!

K

RIP Macdaddy

My good friend texted me the news last night and today it is all over the news - Chris Kelly of Kris Kross has died!  He was only 34  and it appears to be a drug overdose.  This is truly sad and makes me remember the short period of the 90s where kids wore their clothes backwards and Jump was overplayed on the airwaves.

My sister was a big fan, which to this day is still hilarious to me and even at one point performed a choreographed cover or I Missed the Bus from her cassette tape!

Just to put a smile on your face today as you remember, and if you're a child of the 90s, remember fondly her is the video for Jump: