That time

That time that your 20 year old cousin makes you feel ancient at 31 with one question. 

"Do you (me and Conductor) have conversations on text? I just want to know if that's something I can still do at 30 or if you don't do that."

What?

Childhood tastes so good

The title is credited to my good friend and is so true. For some unexplained reason our office is currently stocking Ritz Handi-Snacks!

You remember these beauties, the crumbly crackers, the red stick, and the always bizarrely textured yet always delicious "cheese".

Don't worry I tasted them for you, they are still great.

Observation

The Irish are not afraid of sweat pants. The men where sweat pants around like American girls wear leggings. Expect some covert pictures to be forthcoming...

You might be totally soulless if ...

this slideshow does not make you least smile.

Mild existential crisis thanks to Pandora

You know how when you're in a movie and the previews can really give you a tone of the movie you're about to watch.  This is what Pandora did to me today. 

Today at work I was listening to my Joni Mitchell station on Pandora, don't judge me, sometimes you're just in a folk music kind of space.  So with Pandora, every hour or so there's an ad, and today all the ads are about freezing my eggs so that I can make sure I'm still able to have kids later!

What?! 

Either they think I’m a young, single, sad woman who needs this service now, or they’re torturing older women from the true era of Joni Mitchell and teasing them for not being able to have children now.  Either way there is a lot of stereotyping and assumption going on and I’m offended for the person that the marketing thinks I am...

Also, now I'm mad because I'm clearly susceptible to marketing and am concerned that I do in fact need to freeze my eggs now.

F**k you Pandora

If only...

Yeah, me too

Do you ever have something happen that knocks you flat on your ass? And once the rug is fully out from under you then makes you question someone you thought you knew?

Yeah, me too

Ladybugs Gatherings

My family is not a family that sits around and lounges when we get together for holidays, as much as I may try to passive aggressively get this to be the case. No, we are a family who starts the day off with a multi-mile hike up and down rocky trails near.  This is exactly what we did yesterday after all of our out of towners arrived the day before.

On the hike we encountered something pretty crazy and incredible, something that I now know (after some research) was ladybug hibernation!  Something that, if they weren't ladybugs, looks like the beginning of a horror movie - though I was alone in this assessment. 

As we came around a corner there were some fallen logs, bathed in sun and absolutely covered in thousands of ladybugs.  This morning I looked up what could be happening and found the following information.

Ladybug adults hibernate, usually gathering in large aggregations in protected places.
As days get shorter and temperatures fall, ladybugs seek shelter behind bark, under leaves, or in other protected locations. Thousands of ladybugs may gather in the same location, taking advantage of the collective warmth of a colony. Asian multicolored ladybugs, an invasive species in North America, has earned a reputation as a home invader. These beetles tend to move indoors for winter, where they can become a nuisance in people's houses. Convergent ladybugs gather in the mountains in such numbers that collectors can scoop them up by the bucket.

This must be what we were seeing but it was pretty incredible up close.  Check out the video we got below.  

You know you're 30 when...

Truthfully I thought something like this would come a bit later in life but, no such luck.

I have an unexplained neck pain.  I have now had an aches and pains discussion with my other 30-something coworker.  I'm not ready to have these conversations but they are happening.

Seriously, radiating neck pain (not just one pinched place) with an unknown cause.  Not an unknown cause like we used to have in our 20s where it was because we were drunk and having too much fun to remember it. No, this is no cause as in my body is aging and that occasionally causes inexplicable injuries.

Sobering.

Carpool Observations

You know when you've been around a child who constantly complains and no matter what you say to make them feel better, or lighten the mood, or politely attempt to give them an out of the negativity?  No matter what you say that "bright sides" their problem they find a counter argument to why that is actually bad too?  Now translate that to an adult male, a father (I know because I've seen him drop his kids off at the bus) and you have the guy who rode in the same carpool as me this morning.

Taking it a bit nicer, it's very clear that he's having a very hard time at work and my heart goes out to him.  I've been there and it is awful.  However, we are two complete strangers and when you tell us all the horrible things you have to do today and the driver politely says the socially appropriate thing to make you feel a little bit better, it is awkward at best for you to repeatedly point out that, no, that is in fact awful too.

My hope is that you get that out with strangers and do not teach your children to be debbie downer whiners...I truly hope his day goes better than he's clearly expecting it to.

Observations

That sad moment when right after you catch the eye of a cute guy, you catch the glint of his wedding ring. 

A Lady of Leisure

While in the grand scheme of things not incredibly far from the truth - I feel pretty lucky most of the time.  I've been feeling the need for pampering so following the theory of "Go big or go home" I have booked my self an overpriced massage at a gorgeous hotel spa near me.  I fully intend to go early with my kindle and take full advantage of all of the lovely, soft lit amenities that are included.

I'm ready for this to be me...

Guy Radar (Guydar), You're Killing Me Smalls

Most women I talk to agree that this is a near universal phenomenon.  That guy, or even several, who really should be out of your life but for whatever reason isn't completely has impeccably annoying, awful, tragic, frustrating, (insert adjective of choice here), timing.

Maybe you're working hard to limit your Crazy Girl time and actually move on in your life and feel like you've gone a decent amount of time (this is a relative measurement) not thinking about, wondering about, or mildly obsessing about said guy when BAM! he contacts you.

It's never when you need/want them to contact you it's only when you finally feel like you might be ok if they don't ever contact you again, like you might make it through to the other side and mean it when you say "I'm over it".

Fuck guydar! Ugh deja vu as I'm pretty sure I wrote a very similar post the last time guydar struck...

Yet another reason to keep on keeping on with the RVT 2013 (still in full celibate swing by the way) and work for better.

How you know you're 30

How you know you're 30 at a "hip hop" concert... (beside the fact that I just felt the need to put hip hop in quotes)

The first thing you think and then ask out loud is "Where are the emergency exits?"

This past weekend TGT summoned all the power of our youth that remained inside us and took the last one of us to turn 30 on a birthday night to the Dirt Nasty concert.

This was a request and definitely satisfied her need to see him in person.

Who is Dirt Nasty you ask?  Well this is Dirt Nasty now



And some of his songs are hilarious, some so dirty you feel like apologizing to your mom.  For us children of the 90s it's because this is who Dirt Nasty used to be..

  Simon Rex - the adorable MTV vj from the mid-90s.

To be fair since purchasing these tickets, not one guy from the 90s remembers this guy but every girl I talk to absolutely remembers him.  He was adorable.  He's actually still pretty good looking now but that concert was not my scene...

We survived Dirt Nasty - maybe that should be a t-shirt.

Wow...Just Wow...

Seriously Florida?

Florida is the most terrifying state!

There are many reasons for this, in my opinion, completely founded opinion.  Now sure there are places that people like, I'm sure Miami is as great as everyone says and the Keys sound like a gorgeous beach getaway without having to pull out your passport (which I actually love doing) and get travel shots.  But I haven't been to those places, I've been to Orlando and Fort Lauderdale, and driven through other parts.  Now while I didn't have anything horrible happen, the possibilities were there.

It seems like on a weekly basis there are news stories about crazy sh*t happening down there - ignoring completely their overarching political leanings.  Let's just go through a few shall we?

• They are facing a "Burmese Python Invasion" - yes, termed an invasion, there are tens of thousands of these pythons in the wilds of Florida.  J.Lo. and Ice Cube only had to battle one in Anaconda and that was tough!
• There is an epidemic of sinkholes.  It has even taken a part of the (second) happiest place on earth.
• Alligators!  These are the closest living relative to dinosaurs and they often end up in backyard pools. I took a swamp boat tour and couldn't help but think how meaty and delicious I must have looked to them...seriously, I was already cooked in that heat!
• I don't actually feel like I need to add more but I haven't even gotten to the people.  Now I know people are crazy everywhere (my hometown definitely not excluded) but BuzzFeed put up a list of 21 Reasons Florida is the Craziest State and some of these are amazing, some are just sad, but still.

Now this, a story on Jezebel this morning entitled "Of Course Florida is Teeming with Herpes-Infected Monkeys"  Seriously? Seriously, Florida?

I don't trust monkeys, they will rip your face off!  On all my travels to monkey ridden countries I generously offer to take the photos of the tourists naive enough to trust their "cute" faces - just so I don't have to get near them and because someone should be ready to run for help when the situation inevitably goes bad.

But now they're monkeys and they're spreading disease - this is too much!  Done. Please no one ask me to go to Florida.

Duck face

Sometimes duck face happens.  It can't be helped, you're innocently taking a selfie and unconciously you feel your lips pursing.  Then when you go back through and get ready to delete all that do not meet your standards, lo and behold, the duck face!  Not only is there duck face but it also is the best one.

Just give in and post it.  There is a reason that there is an epidemic of duck face, it makes your face look great!

Anyway took this selfie because I love these earrings and my general look that day.  I believe on the days that you feel cute enough to document yourself it should be done.  Assuming your ego is not insane and that isn't everyday.

Please excuse the thumb.

Have you ever noticed

This may be gender specific, but have you ever noticed that when Crazy Girl surfaces she's not only spiteful, and often sad, but also incredibly conceited?

So I'm sad to say that my Crazy Girl has been raising her ugly head more often than I would like these days but I am proud to say that as of now Mature Me has successfully fought her down.  However, just now while reflecting upon a particularly tough battle against CG I realized that that chick is conceited!  How else do you describe someone who is sure that her ex in question is still scanning her FB just waiting for hints that she's still thinking about him rather than living his life?  Convinced that one post of an image that clearly references something from our relationship will be enough to make him question his current relationship and decide he needs to come back to you.  Something she's not sure she wants but not sure she doesn't want either.

I mentioned that this is what Crazy Girl would do, right?

Proud to say that I avoided being the crazy ex-girlfriend for one more day.

Who is Crazy Girl?
She's those moments when a totally normal, sane, and relatively mature woman finds herself acting like a cliche crazy girl that men are terrified of.  Sometimes this means keeping an ex on the line because you like knowing he still has feelings for you (bad).

Or texting that guy you really really shouldn't because NOTHING  long term good can come from it.

Or even those moments when you convince yourself that it'll be fine because you'll just be the maiden aunt of your friend group, and get to be the "fun aunt", which always translates to the "barren aunt", who has lots of money for travels and shoes because she has no one in her life but her cats/french bulldogs.  This is a favorite of my personal Crazy Girl at the moment.

I'm convinced all women have a Crazy Girl, with varying degrees of success at keeping her under lock and key.  In my case, my best friends know her well but it is rare that she has broken free of that inner circle.

Carpool Observations

Today was a pickup that could have gone either way - I finally got over 8 hours of sleep so I feel like a functional human being - but the driver was chatty and you never know.

Instead it turned into a conversation that helped me remember just part of why I love my city and my neighborhood.  Local eats, block parties and mostly, neighbors who care.

Thank you

Boys II Men to....Old Navy?

This made me truly sad, then happy that they were making money, then sad all over again.  Boys II Men 2 was my first CD I ever bought and a large part of my junior high days - love them.  Then last night while watching my hulu queue this happened...


sigh...