Make sure that your girlfriend has girlfriends!
This is really a tip for boyfriends, men who are dating women, and men who are even considering dating women.
One of my besties and I had a revelation this weekend. Both of us are in the less than incredible task of really deciding what we want and weeding through what our options are in the online/in person dating pool. For years we have wondered how all these women go so bat shit crazy that by the time we meet the men they've been so scarred and damaged that they don't believe us when things are not a problem, or we actually don't care that they may or may not have used a groupon for the date (in my opinion this just shows planning and forethought and who can complain about that, also being savvy with your $ is a good selling point too). Well we finally figured it out.
Both of us are dealing with versions of the same issue - communication between the sexes. Do they really mean what they text? (Also texting really throws another level into all of this because there is no tonality to read) Is there meaning behind the lack of text? Is there hidden meaning in both of them? It's neverending! Lucky for me we could just talk this out with each other, and talk each other off the crazy ledge.
Remind each other of what we learned in the past, what Steve Harvey has told us in his movies and books...men are simpler (not stupider, just simpler) than we think. Majority of the time what they say is what they mean and when they don't text they're probably just busy.
In both our cases, there were not established needs for communication, just general "maybes" which to us means text but clearly to our respective prospects means something else. So the revelation came in that when we were left on our own to decipher the ever changing code that is men we went to the bat shit crazy place. Created games that he was playing (that he's not). Created reasons that this one lack of text means that he has thought through our entire future together and decided it's not worth it right now (he didn't). Envisioned him with the girlfriend that we didn't know about (that he doesn't have). Yup the sad but true thing of it is, women overthink, we imagine and analyze and build elaborate explanations for things that don't exist. Now most of us know that we can't tell the guy this and have him debunk it because it is always a good idea to keep the lid on the crazy. However, left unchecked this can develop into a parallel fantasy world where every following action proves or disproves the concocted story.
I have to admit we were smug enough in our younger days to think we were immune to this. Alas, that is not the case. We did however, find a vaccine, or at least a treatment for it. Talk it over with your besties, someone who has no problem telling you to your face that you are being an absolute lunatic. I feel lucky everyday to have friends that have no problem calling me out on my bullshit and even if they go through the same crazy, we can still tell it's crazy on someone else. We talked each other down and both were proven right when each man communicated (in a completely normal time period) that they were in fact busy/asleep/drunk and wanted to check in.
So moral of the story for the ladies, don't give up those friends who tell you like it is even when what it is sucks and men, make sure your ladies have girlfriends like these. Without them you're both screwed.
Thank you to my ladies for keeping me sane and grounded.
This is really a tip for boyfriends, men who are dating women, and men who are even considering dating women.
One of my besties and I had a revelation this weekend. Both of us are in the less than incredible task of really deciding what we want and weeding through what our options are in the online/in person dating pool. For years we have wondered how all these women go so bat shit crazy that by the time we meet the men they've been so scarred and damaged that they don't believe us when things are not a problem, or we actually don't care that they may or may not have used a groupon for the date (in my opinion this just shows planning and forethought and who can complain about that, also being savvy with your $ is a good selling point too). Well we finally figured it out.
Both of us are dealing with versions of the same issue - communication between the sexes. Do they really mean what they text? (Also texting really throws another level into all of this because there is no tonality to read) Is there meaning behind the lack of text? Is there hidden meaning in both of them? It's neverending! Lucky for me we could just talk this out with each other, and talk each other off the crazy ledge.
Remind each other of what we learned in the past, what Steve Harvey has told us in his movies and books...men are simpler (not stupider, just simpler) than we think. Majority of the time what they say is what they mean and when they don't text they're probably just busy.
In both our cases, there were not established needs for communication, just general "maybes" which to us means text but clearly to our respective prospects means something else. So the revelation came in that when we were left on our own to decipher the ever changing code that is men we went to the bat shit crazy place. Created games that he was playing (that he's not). Created reasons that this one lack of text means that he has thought through our entire future together and decided it's not worth it right now (he didn't). Envisioned him with the girlfriend that we didn't know about (that he doesn't have). Yup the sad but true thing of it is, women overthink, we imagine and analyze and build elaborate explanations for things that don't exist. Now most of us know that we can't tell the guy this and have him debunk it because it is always a good idea to keep the lid on the crazy. However, left unchecked this can develop into a parallel fantasy world where every following action proves or disproves the concocted story.
I have to admit we were smug enough in our younger days to think we were immune to this. Alas, that is not the case. We did however, find a vaccine, or at least a treatment for it. Talk it over with your besties, someone who has no problem telling you to your face that you are being an absolute lunatic. I feel lucky everyday to have friends that have no problem calling me out on my bullshit and even if they go through the same crazy, we can still tell it's crazy on someone else. We talked each other down and both were proven right when each man communicated (in a completely normal time period) that they were in fact busy/asleep/drunk and wanted to check in.
So moral of the story for the ladies, don't give up those friends who tell you like it is even when what it is sucks and men, make sure your ladies have girlfriends like these. Without them you're both screwed.
Thank you to my ladies for keeping me sane and grounded.
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